purplecharlie

I understand, Little Mermaid.

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:49:37 GMT

My P.E. teacher said it was in the borderline of 1st degree and 2nd degree sprain. I say, it is in the borderline of bad luck and good riddance; you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone or in my case, temporarily gone. My right foot is now incapable of walking, bending or running. I’d like to think it’s really bad so I won’t feel over dramatic with my crutches. Here, I discuss the beauty and the downfall of this shiznit.

The beauty:
o My pingpong partner has paired with someone better, with equal skills as her and is capable of killing a ball. Finally, she won her first doubles match. It was obvious all I brought her was loses, loses and more loses.
o My boyfriend’s being extra nice to me. He buys me all the food in the world for I am incapable of buying my own.
o I seem nicer than my average self. In this world, bandage is the key and a dash of pitiful eyes.
o Benches seem more available. The people give in easily knowing you have only a foot to offer.

The downfall:
o I couldn’t do the play -- I had to be taken out because I couldn’t walk. Hence, I couldn’t do blockings. Oh, how I missed theatre. Now, opportunity has once again left me empty-handed.
o Next week is concert week. I will be injured and unable to enjoy the beauty of concerts. Curse this insanely painful sprain.
o I have no form of exercise whatsoever. I will be fatter than a fat lady could ever be. I rest, lie down and eat all day. Fat, fat, fat! Now, my tummy is all bloated and disproportioned. As if it was ever flat. ha ha!
o I take a shower lying down. So yes, I am not really clean as I should be.

Now, I know how important my feet are to me. They are the reason I wake up in the morning. They are the reason why I buy pretty shoes and funky stockings. They are the reason why I buy electrifying nail polish. They are the reason why I am who I am. My feet are my everything without it; I am but a crutch -- lifeless, boring and incapable of so much. Or in short, a piece of crap. Thank you Lord for my feet, a little awkward but it’s true. I never knew that it made my world go round.

I know you stink but whatever, I love you feet. Kisses and a million hugs.

Dream Journal

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:17:08 GMT

I dreamt that my classmate Mav got a hold of my es test paper. She said, we had the same grade -- the grade I wanted to have. It was 57/60. It would entail me of an A. It was a weight off my shoulder. I told her how relieved I was then, told my boyfriend that Sir accepted my weird greenhouse gas answers. Sadly, it was just a dream.

It goes to show how freakin' grade conscious I am. Grades haunt me even in dreams. It is by far the most frustrating feeling to know that life can consume you it the most unexpected way. How some can brush it off, while you are totally consumed by something so simple. Grades. If you think about it, they're just numbers. But for me, they are so terrifying it takes me days and many sleepless nights to get over them. Great, my life is always more complicated that it should be. Dramatic people really are tragic.

Red Paint!

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 19:01:20 GMT

We are all balanced. It some psychotic weird mixed-up way, we will all be bad at something and excell in something else. And even if we claim to know this, not all can see these things unfold in their daily life. Trust me, this fact can actually turn your day from bad to better.

Exhibit A: I was so jealous of my math classmate. She is so good in math. Always called to explain her answer and always top 10 in class. I wished to be her during math. She was definitely everything I wasn't. But then, I found something about her that just made my day. She wasn't so perfect after all. I will not say it, but it made me feel that she was also, human. ha ha.

(I know, I know, You're looking down on me giving me that look of disgust. No, I am not a mean girl. You just have to admit perfect people are quite annoying sometimes (Mav, my blockmate, is an exception) but when you dig out soemthing dirty, you can't help but be relieved. For a moment there, you wanted to be them. Now, you realize having your own self is way better.)

Yes, I feel guilty now. But, I still stand my ground. It is nice to know that people we idolize are human too. That we all stand out and fail at the same time. They can't always shine. We have to shine too.

Omg. Now, I feel so mean. I AM NOT A MEAN GIRL. So don't comment that.

I am stating a fact that you should be guilty of committing.

We all want that "unspoken" glory.

Mafia, Bitch! (Dream Journal)

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:45:26 GMT

I dreamt I lived in a house separate from that of my parents. It was in Batangas. I had a parkign lot fit for one car, which was my car. It had the typical, one bedroom, a living room, a dining room, a dirty kitchen and a place where one helper can reside in.

And, I lived with a guy. He decided that he wanted to live with me because we were pretty compatible. It was true. He told me about his fear of switching pad-mates. He always had a problem with them; they always ended up fighting about anything and everything.

I allowed him to live for the main reason that it was purely platonic.

Then we fell in love.

But soon after, his mom and sister came to visit. They told him that they were migrating to USA. I was thrilled for him; trying to conceal the sadness I was feeling because he was already crying. And no, it wasn't gay. It was more like a i-cant-help-but-cry emotion. Which was sad.

Then, after my relatives heard the news, they went to my house to pack my things. I was asked to moved out because they weren't okay with the idea of me living alone.

Lo and behold, my uncle was a mafia. Yes, a mafia. Not really relevant to the story. But anyway, he claims to say that I will love him eventually as so did one girl (It's a dream so it tends to be vague). I hated him in my "dream" life, so I went off to rebut all of what he said. The guy was scared of what will happen to me if he leaves. (So, I'm guessing my uncle was some pedophilic freak)

My dream ended with the guy waiting for me in the door, bidding his final farewell.

We, Balloons.

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 01:54:48 GMT

Dyan went over to sleep at my place. I was pretty happy. We never get to bond anymore and this trip did just that. First, we had to goof around a little then we decided to sleep at around 1 am. She devised a plan to alarm at exactly 3 am to allow us to really wake up at 330 am. Genius - It worked perfectly. 330 am, our eyes were blood shut. After all the drama, we went to Mini Stop. And the road trip... the best part --

My car consisted of me, Mej, Karlo, Dani, Nica, Pau, Irea and yes, her mom. We were hesitant about it. We didn’t want to be scolded at but her mom turned out pretty cool. Though she didn’t sing with us, you know, she was one with us; Acknowledging the fact that we were definitely frivolous kids. We had the complete set: a radio transmitter, Gliza’s i-pod, and a whole lot of knowledge of hit songs of the 90’s and 80’s.

Fast forward to the balloon festival… lo and behold, there was no air balloon - none whatsoever. There were flying airplanes, those that you see in the Pearl Harbor movie, but that was it. No extreme enthusiasm and no, I-wish-I-could-ride-that effect. Weird, we weren’t sad or at least, Mej and I weren’t. We went to the car when we realized that the show was cancelled. We didn’t feel sad however, we felt for the many people who still paid 100 bucks unknown to the fact that it was already 8 am and the air balloons were scheduled for 7 am. They didn’t get the sign that air balloons were history. Speaking of history, this was also the first time I experienced a hard time exiting. See, in Philippines it is an ordeal to go in. Their motto: I, FIRST. This place was the odd ball. The entering was not an issue, but exiting was. It was like someone after them; someone, scary… Godzilla like. There was even an old lady gripping to Mej’s top. So, go figure.

The block decided to head back an hour after Mej and I did. So for 1 hour, Mej felt asleep and I ate the left over I had for breakfast and flipped through an antique Candy magazine. I always assumed Candy to be too girly for my taste but boredom suggested otherwise. Flipping through the pages, I saw this girl, Noelle Hechanova, she died of cardiovascular failure of some sort. The thing that caught my eye in the article is the people who wrote descriptions about her. Her boyfriend said: “What’s so special about Noelle? She was going to be my wife”. And that blew me away. No words could explain the sympathy I have for him. The sadness he must have felt; finding that one special girl who got away.

Breakfast stopover: Our block never fails to have this. We eat, enjoy and bond over food. It reminded me of my high school friends. I always find myself with people who are dead in love with food. I think I am attracted to people who indulge in the mere beauty of food.

The trip back: Back to my car, and it weird way it was bittersweet. We talked over serious matter like: would you die for a stranger, would you rather have loved and lost or never loved at all, or the things that people don’t know about. I told them of my fear of closing my eyes when I shower.

I realized a lot from the trip to and from the air balloon festival. The festival may lack significance to me. But because of this festival, I had a reason to be with my block. The closest one I have so far. It made me look back on the 1 year we had together. I learned that friendships could really develop overnight and even if college friends, deem momentarily I see truth in all of them. I learned how Mej, was my first friend and in the long run was my “partner in crime”. We don’t do crimes per se but in field trips and such she’s always there for me. She rides with me when I’m alone and accompanies me through whatever. I am really happy she was my block mate slash seatmate.
This trip is evidently, our last trip together as R11. After March, we will go our separate ways. And I have to start getting at ease with new friends again. I think this trip wasn’t just about enjoying air balloons; it was about realizing the friendships that had form through the year. [That] It was blissful, entertaining and sad all at the same time. Whatever happens, we all must go separate ways, keeping a little memory of the fun times we shared.

I may have not seen the air balloon, but I surely saw something sweeter and something better…

And, aren't we, balloons?

Only gripped by a moment momentarily, after which, we savor life separately. We float freely on air, unaware of where life would take us. Alone and unparallel, we realize that we were once together. We signified bond, love and happiness.

And as we are set free from the hands of our owner, we fly aimlessly for we are contented with the stay we had made in their hearts.

Accidentally In Love

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:22:57 GMT

I realized, just now, how I take things seriously. I easily get mad, pissed off, and annoyed with things that don't go my way. I have certain things planned out for me and when these aren't fulfilled, my world just falls apart. Literally. My planner is a perfect example of my OCD sickness more so, I have an "internal" check-list stuck in my brain. It does what any checklist does... checks, lists and elimintates those done. My life is based on time, schedule and in a weird way, it isn't monotonous. The sad part: when time isn't by my side, I get lost. Again, I am easily agitated.

Behind this happy exterior, I am so miserable. My other realization. I am a living robot. And even if I wish to be all lax and free, I can't. Schedule ties me down. I am a lost cause.

I am based on my organizer, my watch and my pen. Period.

Dream Journal - Janelle

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:11:18 GMT

I dreamt that Alec was talking to the girl who liked him. They were semi-conversing. It consisted of laughs, semi-flirtations and me, being totally awkward. I am haunted by my dreams. I think dreams try to surface all the things you experience in your life; on how reality, never fails to go away. I never considered dreams as a form of escape, it was more like a "friendly" reminder that reality bites. The dreams that are nice, are those that we imagine conciously but the real ones, happen subconciously.

And, afterwards?

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 10:50:49 GMT

I know it's too early to be frantic about my life after college. But I cant help it. I have always been ahead of time. I always do the following: provide a checklist for my future, schedule them, then fulfill them. Now, I find it impossible. I hav 3 orgs, all of which, I am inactive. I am in Ateneo, and frankly, I feel most stupid here. I have mediocre grades, a boring schedule and a passive disposition about life. Great. I had invisioned so much and now, life just seems to get the best of me. High school was a breeze... college, is indescribably hard. Why study math, when I can do art? Trust me, I wasn't a math hater. I was in fact, a math lover. God forbid college. It has brought me 15% glee and 85% sadness. I am alone and misunderstood.

Help.

Dream Journal - Irea

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 10:44:08 GMT

This is short.

I dreamt of Mario -- I WAS MARIO. As in, Mario Brothers. The Nintendo DS Game. I had my DS for 3 years now, and I only bought my long awaited Mario Game last December. If calculated, I waited at least 2 years and 11 months to have my most cherished game yet. So you must know how obsessed I am with Mario.

I jumped on mushrooms, hit bricks, died a couple of times and managed to finish levels. In short, I experienced the Mario in full, life version.

Pretty cool.

Dream Journal - for unknown blog partner

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 11:11:57 GMT

I dreamt that my sister died out of cancer. There were a few things I remembered about the dream.

One. She told me she was diagnosed with cancer but asked me to promise her never to tell my parents. And so, I didn't. Kept my mouth shut til' she died.

Two. When she died, right after we left the funeral, my mom texted her boyfriend to tell him if he was fine. He answered quickly (through text) to say he was. We all knew he was lying. There was a tone in his text that was screaming ALONE AND LOST.

Three. I had never felt so defeated, alone and hurt. It was like something in me was missing. My sister was gone. Even if i knew I was dreaming, I couldn't help but feel the way I did. It was the most terrible feeling.

Four. My parents felt so furious when they found out that I kept my sister's sickness a secret. God knows why. Of course, guilt governed me at that time. I could've saved her but I chose to be all polite to her. I thought of granting her death wish. Crappy sister I was.

FIve. I remember leaving the funeral knowing things were now different. That I would never be the same. That my so-called twin had left me empty handed. No one to share the bed with, eat with or shop with. No one.

Six. I knew I loved her both in my dreams and in real life. I felt that the cries I made in my dream were true.

So I thank my dream for coming "into" me.

I now know that my life is better with my sister around.

"Together Dumb"

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 10:59:47 GMT

My carelessness took a toll on me AGAIN. I didn't fail my math test but I really got a low grade. Everyone got 80-90 above. I, on the other hand, had the most indecent grade. So, go figure! We are talking line of 7 here.

I approached my teacher to tell her of my dismay and if i could still pull it up. She gave me the worst answer i could ever hear. She told me that my classmates just studied hard. Am i to imply that I did not study? Hello. I always study. Though I may have a bimbo exterior, I work my ass off trying to get the grade I deserve. I ALWAYS STUDY.

If you were to tell me something I didn't do it would never be of the topic of studying. I study. Always!

The WORST PART: the test was NOT hard. I was too stupid to remember that I am the queen of carelessness. It never fails to follow me and take insane measures to fail me. If I had one wish for christmas, I'd wish to be the most careful person out there. I am tired of being accident prone, living with regret and wallowing on the could have beens. I am TIRED. TIRED I TELL YOU! TIRED!

I am not ms. positive so frankly, i CANNOT see beyond this. I see me on the verge of getting a C+ worse, a C. No. I am not excused cause I am a comm major. Math is still a subject. And, i loved math when i was in highschool. I don't know why I am like this.

I knew it all... Gauss-Jordan, Inverse Functions, Solutions and even, Algebra. I knew it.

.... carelessness.

Always careless. Crap.

I hope my blog partner doesn't have the same frustrations. It's the worst feeling... knowing you could but you weren't able to.

Dream Journal - Mej

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 06:11:23 GMT

I dreamt about Alec cheating. Again.

This time I was late for a party we were to go to. He was early, as usual.

He wore a turquoise hoodie. As I entered the party with my friends, I saw him. He was holding hands with an African-American girl (I don't have any biases. I am just telling it as it is). She was attractive andhappy with him. He, on the other hand, seemed to do it for revenge.

Because. Just because.

He looked at me straight in the eye. Then, he left. They were holding hands and fast approaching the escalator. Curious and hurt, I followed him down the escalator. I saw them kissing. It ended there.

I keep having the same dreams where in I'd see him with another girl. But this time, it happens both in my dream and in reality.

Dreams do reflect the fears that we hide so intently. Praying that it would never come true. And the day that it will, we blindy hold our feelings still... hoping for a better beginning.

Spun Indefinitely

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 06:02:11 GMT

I want a guy who’d always cut his nails.

I want a guy who understands why girls are born fickle, why they cry hard and why they worry too much.

I want a guy who’d allow a girl to be herself. Tell him stories and in turn, tell his.

I want a guy who doesn’t shower girls with roses or chocolates but plain, genuine love.

I want a guy who understands why skinny jeans were made for girls and guys.

I want a guy who thinks of the one he loves before he sleeps.

I want a guy who isn’t cheesy. He’s just crazily in love.

I want a guy who doesn’t say but does.

I want a guy who proves to his friends that the girl he’s with… is definitely the one.

I want a guy who can settle, think straight and commit.

I want a guy who respects the girl he’s with, emotionally and spiritually.

I want a guy who appreciated animals, art and his studies.

I want a guy who can talk about clothes because his passion is set on it.

I want a guy with goals neatly pressed and vigorously fulfilled.

I want a guy who believes in ever after.

I want a guy who can promise a girl that it always just them.

I want a guy who doesn’t stop a girl from having fun.

I want a guy who can fight for the girl he loves… violently or lovingly.

I want a guy who believes in himself.

I want a guy who doesn’t cheat. Because he’s mature enough to know what he wants.

I want a guy who understands theatre and the beauty it brings to a person.

I want a guy who values time.

I want a guy who stay honest and would love me most sincerely.

I want a guy who will stay happy, stolen and deeply mesmerized with the girl he’s with.

I want a guy who can draw, paint and perform.

I want a guy who observes, understands and challenges life.

I want a guy who can keep promises.

I want a guy who gives…shares and enjoys.

I want a guy who dies to party and goes home drunk unable to remember anything.

I want a guy who knows that there’s a girl waiting for him back home.

I want a guy who is happy being tied down.

I want a guy who appreciates the now, the happiness he once had and the future he would’ve had.

I want a guy who admits his mistakes. Always ready for the consequences of his actions.

I want a guy who cuts his hair and gets that long hair is not the best thing to sport.

I want a guy who’d listen to his girlfriend intently and promisingly.

I want a guy who’s not scared to get married, have kids and suffer financially.

I want a guy who is ready for love and the pain it brings.

I want a guy who never uses his chances. He doesn’t need them.

I want a guy who puts effort to know his girlfriend’s friends.

I want a guy who can compliment and critic what is beautiful and what is not.

And I want you to change, grow up and appreciate what was once there.

I want you to work hard, suffer and know what you’ve worked hard for is what you really want.

I want you to know that love can go away.

I want you to say sorry and assure yourself that this will never happen again.

I want you to remember that we too, were once happy, complete and indispensable.

Dream Journal

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 03:46:48 GMT

There was not really a story. It was just a scene.

I was part of a theft organization. And, I was called for a meeting and so were the thefts from all over the world. We were crowding in a desert. Yes, I mean crowding. We were at least a thousand.

We were all in different costumes. I had a goth costume. Or a goth gone wrong. I had no make-up whatsoever. Just a plain black tattered outfit.

We travel there by sand. I mean we were literally sand mans. Out of nowhere, there would a semi sandstrom and *KABOOM* a theft person would appear.

As I said, it was just a scene. I woke up after capturing that moment so, there is really not much to tell. Except that I have no desire whatsoever to be a theft or to be a goth.

Blue Riddles

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 03:34:32 GMT

This week I was theatre loaded. By that I mean, I watched 2 plays and even auditioned for one.

I have good news and bad news.

GOOD NEWS FIRST. I really enjoyed Avenue Q. It was hilarious and self-reflective at the same time. Though I don’t think the play was aimed for critical thinkers. It was more like a feel good play with bits of advice along the way. Like, finding your purpose -- I suppose?

So, on the bad side of things… I DIDN”T GET A CALLBACK.

I have now accepted my biggest defeat yet. At the beginning of the season, I had already set my mind to joining this play. I had dreamt of memorizing the lines and learning the blocks that Sir Ricky would make. But all that is gone now. I am not and will never be an actor for that play.

I wish I could wallow in my sleep the whole day – but I can’t. Life moves on. Castings are made. And I am left alone. Empty. Unfulfilled and defeated.

Was I not a good enough? Was I not fit for the part? Or was I unfit to tackle such a big task?

I will never know.

I bet everyone who auditioned but didn’t get in had moved on. They are ready and prepared for something new to come. But, I am not.

There’s this new audition coming and yes, I still pray to get in. But, my heart is so unwilling. I wanted to shy form theatre for a while. I guess admittedly, my pride went down the drain.

My friend, Matt, told me that when he didn’t get the callback he felt that he was not a good enough actor. I know exactly what he feels.

It’s the feeling of knowing that life does not always side with you. That everything is just planned out. Not everything goes according to your plan. It sucks to know that dedication and the purest of sincerity are not the only things that could get you to where you want to be.

That in life, there is so much to do, to aim and to be.

Time never permits you to so perfect and so blissful.

Every emotion is never the same.

If only I was given the chance…

If only I could rave and not rant…

If only I could say how excited I am to be Vida…

And how grateful I am for this opportunity…

If only.

Dream Journal

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:08:09 GMT

My dream wasn't all too well. I didn't end up with my boyfriend not because I didn't want to but because we weren't allowed to.

Few things I remembered... I was forced to end up with a Chinese guy -- how predictable. He was abusive. Weird as it may sound, he threw rocks at me when I tried to run away or ignore him.

That was all I could remember.

The lesson I got from this dream is maybe I already found the one. Maybe, it's secretly telling me that I am in the right relationship and giving this up would lead to my own disaster.

There is no time for regrets so always trust yourself to make the right descision. Everyone wants the best for himself. And we should never settle for the next best thing because soemthing perfect would always await us.

Everyone deserves something spectacular in their life ;)

Green Leaves and Purple Beans

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 07:51:16 GMT

Since I have nothing new to talk about, I will discuss my being vegetarian. Nothing big, though.

I have been a vegetarian about a month ago. I was inspired to be one after havign read the PETA magazine my sister brought home from work.

It was a complete shock to everyone since I was a self confessed meat lover. Steak was my number one weakness. Thanks to PETA, I am now leading a better life, in my opinion that is.

From their site...

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), with more than 1.6 million members and supporters, is the largest animal rights organization in the world.

PETA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time: on factory farms, in laboratories, in the clothing trade, and in the entertainment industry. We also work on a variety of other issues, including the cruel killing of beavers, birds and other "pests," and the abuse of backyard dogs.

PETA works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, animal rescue, legislation, special events, celebrity involvement, and protest campaigns.

From what I see, I am truly becoming a dedicated vegetarian, food-wise. Why food-wise? Well, all the bags that I adore come in 100% leather. Oh, If I could discard them.

Reasons why it is better to be a vegetarian: The animals are spared from a slaughtered death. They also, receive the love, support and justice they truly deserve. They, too, have feelings. And sensible people that we are, we must put an end to this maltreatment and inhumane act.

It is never too late to eat, live and be green!

Be a VEGETARIAN!

Visit www.peta.org

CATCH THE LAST WEEKEND

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 07:56:43 GMT

My friend, Mich, is leaving in a couple of hours. I'll probably see her next May.

You only realize how important someone is when they're not there anymore. Maybe, they leave a certain emptiness you can't seem to replace. They have changed your life for the better without you knowing.

I dedicate this blog to Mich, Mish and Val. Friends I find so hard to part with.

All of them helped me discover the better me. All of them revived a part of me I had lost so long ago.

To Mich: I had learned to appreciate art through hard work, dedication and true understanding. I had learned to be a better leader with the different tasks that you asked of me. I had learned to believe in myself that I too, am capable of so much. I had learned to see beauty in anything and everything.

To Val: I had learned to mingle despite the crowd I am in. I had learned to appreciate different kinds of people and who and why they are, the way they are. I had learned to stop judging but be more understanding -- I had learned to accept.

To Mish: I had learned to be who I really am. I had learned to feel comfortable with my peculiar character. I had learned to open up and not be afraid to show my feelings freely. I had learned to believe that there are true friends who will love you unconditionally. And I had learned that no matter how far apart we are, you and I will always stay the same -- 6bs for life.

Have fun there. I can’t wait to visit all of you.

Dream Journal

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 07:43:17 GMT

My dream is a psychotic dream that I can't put into words...

So there was this "tribe", a couple from that tribe performs sexual intercourse with everyone watching. They stay in the middle and they join together. The guys's front part of the body joins by embracing the girl's back part of the body. For some reason, they don't have sex like normal people do. The guy embraces the girl and he pierces the girl in the stomach with an awfully sharp silver blade. If my memory serves me right, it was about 6 inches or more. After the said intercourse, the girl will be pregnant.

Lo and behold, I was the girl. Thank god I was sane in my dream and I didn't want to participate in the tradition. So, I moved far away from my supposedly husband who was ready to pierce my stomach. I sat together with crowd. All of them were staring at me. They were confused and angry. I think, my parents were ashamed because I didn't want to take part in the intercourse.

That was all I could remember.

carvings on a tree

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 01:11:13 GMT

The bond of true friendship is truly incomparable.

When everybody strived to be popular in high school, I was so desperate to find where I belonged. Lucky for me, I had found my LHTS -- my friends more so, my sisters. They knew who I was inside and out. They were my life support, my other half.

College put a lot change in what used to be my tranquil life. I don't get to see them as often as I want. I also, don't to get to talk to them as I much as I used to. Time doesn't permit us. But nonetheless, the love never diminishes. Not even a single bit.

Now that Michelle has gone to Canada, we will never be complete. Bondings may be fun but not as fun as it were before.

We will wait for her when she comes back and be the same LHTS we were back in high school.

Trials had come and gone, but we stood strong.

We always say, that we love each other too much to ever part. I still and always will believe in that.

Frienship is not meaused by time or distance because friendship is love on its own. It never compares, diminishes or turns cold when problems arise. In fact, problems are the things they never fear because in those times, they prove to be the friends they really are.

I am grateful to find my LHTS... never ever would I replace them.

They complete me as I, hopefully, complete them.

Dream

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 00:51:15 GMT

My dream occured when the world will semi-end. There were people running, freaking out and well, they were bumping each other; all apalled with the idea of dying.

I, on the other hand, ended up in a Gucci store. Me and *I CAN'T REMEMBER* maybe, my sister looked around. Seeing that one side of the Gucci store was collapsing, we stole a bag. It was a brown leather bag with der, the typical Gucci design imprinted on it.

We managed to get all the tags off.

In a hurry, we went inside this hotel-like place. It was beautifully designed and still intact despite the semi-ending world. We went to the nearest elevator to of course, hide the stolen bag. I'm guessing we lived in that place.

THEN!!!

This guard appears and calls our attention. Guilty people that we were, we tried our best to give him a straight face. Lucky for us, he was just asking us some questions totally unrelated to us stealing the bag and he directed us to the nearest comfort room. We didn't know why.

... I woke up. he he

INSIGHT ON THE WHOLE THING? My teacher in high school once told us that dreams are mind's garbage. Well, that dream is 50% gargage and 50% obsession haunting me. There is no deep or life-changing explanation attached to this. I simply am a bag-aholic -- nothing more nothing less.

...So the lesson I learned here is that you can never put a tag price on happiness. If there is something you so desperately love, but it. Trust me, it will offer you happiness you never thought a thing or in my case, a bag could give.

DREAM

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 07:00:44 GMT

Actually I had 2 dreams. They didn't occur at the same time butboth of them invovled my boyfriend having another party.

The first one was somewhat private and quite horrid to discuss so, fast forward to the next. ha ha

The second was actually happening in RMT. We were watching the TA play and for some odd reason his blockmate was in between us. Lo and behold, they were holding hands; not in a keen way... it was more like all out cheating. And they were somewhat reluctant to remember that I WAS THERE.

After the event had happened, I had asked him of what happened. He said it was all alright and he was wondering why I was hysterical about it.

And it ends. I wasn't interested in returning to my dream.

The dream must have meant something. I guess it's my fear of investing so much and not being valued for whatever you are investing on. Every person in a serious relationship, I believe, fears being played or cheated on. It's such a tricky game -- knwoing when to stay or to walk away.

It's about NOT being naive about the situation that's happening. Be ready to face the things you were bound to do together.

Love chooses to be blind.

Stolen Beats

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 10:38:30 GMT

If there's one thing I know -- pride never gets you anywhere. I mean technically speaking you go somewhere but not exactly. I mean, with problems pride is never the key to solving it. In fact, it's one way of making it bigger. It's a sign of immaturity, I think -- you and your inability to admit that you were wrong and that somehow along the way, the pieces didn't fit. Part of defense mechanism, I guess.

And it's weird how at times you feel so right; correct, actually that you kinda push people around; making them believe that they're less of what they really are. It's annoying how cocky people can become. Pride -- It's such a deceiving thing. It can tear you apart.

It makes you so detached with reality. Impossible and almost comical.

I mean yeah, relationships are a big pain in the ass but in some weird messed up way, it's worth sacrificing on. And if there's something I learned... saying sorry -- not literally -- means a lot. And even if you're so sure of something, you still have to give a little credit to your partner.

He may not know it, but I'm always apprehensive when we fight. And though I point out his obvious mistakes, I feel sorry and guilty for doing it because if not for anything, he's such a sincere person.

Pride is just one thing I push aside when it comes to him.

~~I am finding out~~ that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone
Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Dream

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 10:27:56 GMT

My dream wasn't spectacular. So here goes...

Well basically, my friend Gio and I were in school. There was this girl there about our age who had just finished writing a novel. For some reasons ( I FORGOT), we changed the ending of her story. It was either ugly or wasn't interesting for us. We even changed the book jacket. If i'm not mistaken, it was colored hot pink with bold fonts for the title, of course. But, I couldn't see the title. Everything seemed vague. To top the whole vague-ness thing, the girl held the novel and jsut disappeared amongst the crowd.

While this thing was happening, I was auditioning or working for some thing. I don't know. It was either for a magazine or I aspired to be a veejay or some sort. Together with my sister, we went to "the" place with tables in a white room.

Yup, that's it.

If I were to predict this? I think The first part was pure jealousy over someone who had something going in her life. How she had prevailed in soemthing she was good at. Seeing me now, I am not exactly fulfilling the goals that I had set for my self to achieve. So yeah, envy and the thirst for success?

The second part? Simple. Me and my sister have been obsessed with art sicne forever. So magazine would equate to fashion which is our dream job -- to be involved with fashion in the best way possible. Styling, maybe? And with the veejay thing, I kinda wanna be a deejay... hehe : ) I LOVE TALKING.

Supermarket

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 02:36:29 GMT

I went to Tata's birthday yesterday. The party was a blast. It was like a higschool reunion slash 18th birthday. I saw the people who I missed so dearly. Namely, Erika, Kor, Mich and the bitch who had the best haircut ever, my beloved Val.

God, the comfort of seeing them was ugh, THE BEST EVER. I mean the updates, the laughter and the cam-whoring... EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.

I swear, I cursed highschool when I was in my senior year. I was so excited to graduate; the whole idea of college just enraptured me. Now that i'm actually in it, I could see how overrated it gets when HS seniors talk about it. I mean, ZOOLOGY? It's the WORST subject ever. I mean seriously, people who choose that class thought they'd study hardcore animal stuff -- definitely, not a sneak peek in chemistry. Honestly, the only 2 subjects I could truly relate in are English and Lit. Filipino is just SO out of my reach. Math, well, I took communication? Wasn't that an obvious escape from whatever subject needed calculations?

Honestly, I'm pressured to do this blog. Make it sound good, logical and not self-centered. 10% is definitely a make or break thing. I'm praying that I don't ruin this by discussing explicitly why my life is definite road kill.

I stopped blogging like ages ago. It's not that It took time... I just felt so uninspired to do it. My life was stagnant, boring and everything just stayed bland.

You know the problem with me is, I'm so dramatic. Everything has to have this better edge. Like, I'm so deperate for everything to seem right. I guess, due to my o.c nature and obsession with art, I make my life so complicated.

Time is not friendly. I have no time to listen to music and truly enjoy it. Clothes are scarce and art, I have no time for. I can't paint. I can't experiment with anything. And, texting. I'm forced to be consumed by it.

My relationship has turned so overrated. Everyone who I know, know we're together. Ugh, I hate it.

I became everything I did not want to be.

On the bright side, I'm happy Gio's my blockmate. I felt so happy when I talked to him during this 3-hour break. He did not like Transformers. AND trust me, that is someone I need to talk to. It's weird like when I tell him things, I don't sound as stupid or as nonsensical as I do when I talk to other people. I don't know... I'm grateful for having a friend like him.

Ha ha. That's weird.

Eric, I'm the one who sits beside Paolo. I know it looks weird like when you see me in class, I'm so perky and out-of-it. Trust me, I don't why. I'm not really as excited as I am inside.

People always have misconceptions about me. I am not happy-go-lucky, carefree or insanely blissful. I am kind of tired of my life. I hate how my grades are slipping. I hate the fact that I feel so distant around the people I love. And, I hate being so frustrated when in reality, I have so much love to give. (Okay, that sounded SO WRONG. Haha)

So anyway, feel free to comment.

And I ~~won't~~ feel these slices and cuts. I want so much to open your eyes; Cause I need you to look into mine.